It's not having to cater to anyone but yourself, whether for a few minutes or an entire day. And it's pure bliss.
| | I come from a line of selfless women who I absolutely adore but never saw taking time for themselves when I was a kid. They were the hard workers, the memory makers, the mommy mentors always willing to help others. But they certainly weren't the rest takers. As my children get older, I recognize that solo time is not a luxury but a necessity when you're constantly caring for others.
More importantly, it's a generational shift worthy of a movement. "You are breaking the cycle and culture of motherhood martyrdom that insists the best mother is the one who sacrifices the most," says Nicole Amoyal Pensak, PhD, Clinical Psychologist and Parents Medical Review Board member. I like to think we're on our way to reframing this conversation.
The challenge, of course, is fitting in me-time amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. That's why I propose we all gift ourselves a well-deserved break this month. You probably have unused paid time off if you work outside the home, according to a recent Pew survey. And you certainly deserve a little respite if you're a SAHM. So, book a fancy lunch and bask in your own company. Binge-watch Ted Lasso and eat all the snacks. Browse cute shops selling breakable things (no kids!).
Whatever you do is entirely up to you. But ideally, it should nourish your mind, body, or soul. And it should hopefully inspire your child to do the same for themselves someday. If you need further inspiration, my colleagues know a thing or two about self-care and can unanimously agree that getting an annual physical doesn't count as me-time.
Sit Alone in the Dark "I love a solo movie date. I have a membership to my local indie movie theater, so I get discounted tickets. I like to roll up at 3pm on a Sunday with my reusable wine glass in hand (yes, they have wine on tap; very classy) to see an old classic or an obscure foreign film. Isn't two hours alone in the dark what every parent needs?" –Amelia Edelman, Editorial Director
Create a Soothing Ritual "I tell the kids that I am on 'do not disturb' and I'll close my bedroom door and play smooth jazz while I complete my evening skincare routine. It has about seven steps, including a pretty lip mask. The whole process truly makes me feel loved." –Yamel Belen, Doula and Parents Medical Review Board member.
Listen with Bated Breath "I binge romantic comedy audiobooks. Most are fluffy and don't require all my brain but occasionally they get quite deep. A recent favorite: The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels by India Holton. It's a frothy novel set in Victorian England, where 'lady pirates' fly actual houses instead of ships, attempting to murder and rob each other in very polite ways while less competent men steal their hearts. Thank goodness for library downloads because this one has two sequels." –Sabrina Rojas Weiss, Senior Commerce Editor
Enjoy the Silence "I live in a small town and will go for walks around the neighborhood wearing AirPods but not playing anything so that neighbors and school moms don't chat me up. It takes me back to the stroller walks I used to do when I had babies. It always felt like a little bit of freedom. Now that my kids are old enough to whine about their tired legs, it's become my solo thinking time." –Kristen Altmeyer, General Manager
Take the Scenic Route "I'll grab a Caffè Americano from the Starbucks drive-through and take a scenic drive to the beach while listening to the Smartless podcast. If it's nice out, I'll find a secluded area on the sand, set out a chair, and look out for whales while listening to the ocean." –Nicole Amoyal Pensak, PhD, Clinical Psychologist and Parents Medical Review Board member.
Catch the Sunrise "I love to turn up the music—Brandi Carlile, Kendrick Lamar, Bad Bunny—and go for a pre-dawn run because I get to see my neighborhood waking up. It's usually dark and quiet, aside from the bunnies and deer. Lately, I've been treated to some show-stopping sunrise skies. By the time I get home, everyone in my family is barely stirring and I feel calmer overall. –Sara Michael, Group General Manager, Health and Verywell Health | | | | |
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